Good question.
I started this blog with the intention of exploring, in a light, humourous way, my trials and tribulations with food addiction. That's changed. Why? Because I no longer have food addiction, frequent bingeing and all the other negative food-related behaviours that confounded and depressed me. Figures - I start a blog, and my subject matter hightails it outta here.
Why did this happen? What blessed miracle removed this dreaded affliction? Well first, lemme take you into some dark, murky territory better known as:
Self-Indulgent Backstory Time
I've never been obese. Not by a long shot. Rather, I'm one of those people who, like so many of us, constantly battles to keep weight from creeping on. At any given time I had 20-30 extra pounds on me. I did everything I could to get it off: I dieted with low-fat foods, skinless/fatless meats and whole grains, and I dutifully treadmilled and ellipticalled in my target heart zone most days of the week. Nothing. No change. Well, 5 lbs here and there but for the most part, I stayed looking pretty much the same.
I figured this was due to my seemingly insatiable appetite. I was always, always hungry. I was always, always thinking about food. When was I gonna eat? What was I gonna have? I snacked a lot, but on healthy things like whole-wheat crackers and low-fat cheese or whole-wheat toast with fat-free cream cheese or peanut butter. Here's an example of a typical menu:
- Breakfast (always eaten within an hour of waking because if you wanna lose weight, you gotta eat breakfast): high-fibre organic multi-grain cereal; skim milk; banana; babybel cheese
- Morning nibble (why am I hungry? I ate breakfast!): fruit salad with fat-free yogurt and sprinkling of granola
- Lunch (man, I'm starved. What's wrong with me?): tomato soup with multi-grain crackers; tuna sandwich with fat-free mayo on whole-wheat bread; babybel cheese; apple
- Pre-dinner nibble (I'm awful. I'm such a pig.): half a bag of cheese flavoured rice chip things, though I would love to eat the whole bag; 1% cottage cheese
- Dinner (oh thank god): enormous plate of whole-wheat spaghetti with vegetable marinara sauce; parmesan cheese; garlic bread, 2 pieces
- Post-dinner freak-out: frantic handful of crackers rammed in mouth and chewed furiously while buttering whole-wheat bread and putting a carefully measured tablespoon of maple syrup on top, followed by the rest of the bag of rice chip things, then maybe my sister has some chocolate something, ooh look, potato chips and ohmygodstopSTOP. STOP.
- Post freak-out helping of guilt, shame and depression, followed by copious amounts of sugar-free gum.
So yeah - I figured the weight issue was directly related with calories. Since I was a huge pig who couldn't stop eating, I was likely taking in way more calories than my small frame could handle, more than I was burning off at the gym. Thing is, I'd counted calories before. I'd eaten the 1200-1400 or so recommended for my size, and didn't shed a pound. I went even more insane from hunger and cravings, but didn't shed a pound. I figured I must need even less food...and that wasn't gonna happen.
I considered Overeaters Anonymous. I read Dr. Phil's book. I did a bunch of very self-lovey emotional work. I journalled. I paid attention to my feelings. I discovered that my bingeing tended to be triggered by boredom - in which case, I was bored a hell of a lot. I considered purging (didn't work - that's a whole other post!). I paid attention to how others were eating (slowly, pausing between bites, leaving food on the plate if they got full) and tried to emulate them. Finally, I just gave up and decided to start a blog about it. Maybe some indulgent public whining would help me figure out what was going on.
Then I decided to have another look at low-carbing. I had just quit smoking with the help of a book by Allan Carr. He also had a book for people who wanted to change their relationship with food, and that got me thinking: if a book could help me, an unrepentant 18-yr smoker, quit cold turkey, then maybe it could help me with my food problem. But somehow, I stumbled onto Dr. Barry Groves and his ebook "Eat Fat, Get Thin", and it made sense to me. I started reading more books, and when I found a support forum online I spent several days absorbing information.
I'd done the low-carb thing before. Several years back I saw a book called "The Carbohydrate Addict's Diet" and felt a click of recognition. I bought, read and implemented it in the span of one week. The gist was that carbs were addictive (aha! hence my cravings!) and should be limited. The plan included low-carb substitutes, like bread made from soy flour and pasta from rice, and included a reward meal every day that had to be eaten in a one-hour period. I bought pounds of substitutes, cooked furiously, and began losing a bit of weight. Woo hoo!
Problem was, the reward meal was making me INSANE. I thought about it all day long. I would make whatever I wanted and gorge myself for the full hour; once the hour was up, I would obsess about my next reward meal until it came, 24 hours later. I'm sure that the authors of this book did not intend for me (or anyone) to behave in this manner, and I know many people for whom this plan worked like a charm. I just felt nuts. I couldn't handle the stress. Mentally I felt worse than before, and I was having visions of the BF finding me hunched in a closet, snorting flour from the bag. I decided that I was deluded, thinking I was a carb addict, and all I needed was discipline. I chucked the book and the plan.
This time, I decided to give it a real go. I started Atkins, began tracking carbs. But I kept falling off the wagon. I noticed the cravings weren't as bad, but they were still there. I'd be good during the week, but on weekends I'd have some pizza or some other "treat". I didn't want to, but the urge to was strong, annoying, distracting. Here I go again, I thought. Another failure.
End of Long, Poor-me Backstory
So one day on the low-carb forum I stumbled across some posts dealing with gluten intolerance and other food sensitivities. A very knowledgeable person gently suggested that I might want to try an elimination diet - no grains or dairy or soy - and see how I felt. The very thought was horrifying to me, but I love to experiment on myself so gave it a whirl. And what do you know...in a few days, my cravings had vanished completely. COMPLETELY.
This ASTOUNDED me. A week or so prior, I had an episode of cracker-mouth-stuffing that ended in tears. (Note: Cracker-mouth-stuffing occurs when one has an insatiable fever for crackers, and rams fistfulls of them into one's mouth and then attempts to chew and swallow so more can be rammed in.) Suddenly, I had a very obvious absence of craving. And I wasn't as hungry either. Plus - I wasn't so puffy all over, or bloated in my belly. My torso felt clear - like I had been clogged up, and now I was empty and clean. My head felt clearer. I had no anxiety, no mood swings, no depression...I actually felt content. After about two weeks I tested myself with an order of pasta - before I was even halfway through, my belly swelled up like I'd swallowed a pumpkin. A few days of gas and other bathroom issues ensued; something was definitely awry.
I shelled out some bucks for a test and, lo! Positive for gluten and casein intolerance. Almost all of the foods I craved so, so badly - crackers, pasta, bread, cheese - were foods I was sensitive to;that, in fact, my body mounted an immune reaction against. Dairy and wheat were just like cigarettes: unhealthy, bad for me, killing me...but I craved them incessantly.
So now, I want this blog to address issues of low-carb nutrition in general, GFCF eating, weight issues, some food history, and some fun food stuff. I've got me some pretty strong opinions about eating, and I 'aint scared to share.
