I recently caught up with the weight-loss world's biggest and baddest soap opera, previously referred to here as the Kimkins Debacle. Not only has it gotten utterly ridiculous, it has spawned further diet bullshizz that even I, with my sparkly jaded eyes, can't fathom.
Kimkins got served, yo, and not in a fierce "represent your shtreet" dance challenge (though I'd shell out the sixty clams to see that one). Former members filed a class action lawsuit against Kimmer to expose and get retribution for her numerous false claims and unhealthy diet/medical advice. Seems Kimmer, in addition to banning paid lifetime members for committing disagreeable AAK's (Acts Against the Kimpire) - such as asking questions, noticing inconsistencies and not wearing camel-toe pants - used fake pictures and sucess stories on her website and in the Women's World rag. The pics, supposedly of members who had lost weight, had been copied from Russian mail-order bride sites - even the famous "red dress" pic of Kimmer herself. Now, it was pretty obvious from the before-and-after pics that these were not genuine, hence all the questions that began popping up. But mail-order brides? Brilliant! Someone should let these women know that they've had a successful career as FFF's (Fake Former Fatties) and send them some cash. Hell, I may start a whole FFF agency in Eastern Europe. I hear they work cheap.
KTLA News started covering the scam. On Nov 12, looking drag queen chic in her WOA (Wig Of Armour)Kimmer admitted to lying - and that she, Heidi Diaz, was Kimmer and the narcisistic sociopath...errr, business person behind Kimkins - in a video deposition. Attorney John Tiedt confronted Heidi (otherwise referred to as "Hidey" on the message boards and blogs) with evidence that she was "hideying" all the money she raked in - upwards of a million buckaroos, according to Paypal records - and read an email she'd written: "Can you imagine him telling a judge that he wants to certify class action against a housewife? Hee hee hee!" Hidey's response? She smiled and quipped "Is it too late to take that back?"
Uh, yeah. Her assets have been frozen. (Her ass, on the other hand, is still in full swing)
Okay, so SKimmer is getting her chicken breast steamed by the justice system. So what of her most devout minion, Jeannie Battinger AKA Tippy Toes (christened Typo Toes by the bloggers in tribute to her creative, think-outside-the-spellcheck writing style)? Well, she did what any self-respecting PR person would do when confronted with undeniable evidence that the company she represented was making people sick and fraudulently taking their money for the privilege. She defended it. On TV.
Typo Toes, along with ex-members Christin and Deni, appeared on Fox TV's Morning Show with Mike and Juliet to discuss the Kimkins controversy. TT was passionate in her defense of the Kimpire. Some highlights, courtesy of Yust Yucky:
Juliet: Who’s Kimmer?
Typo Toes: Uhm…Kimmer is in fact Heidi Diaz. Uhm, none of us really knew that. You guys didn’t know it, we didn’t know it, just a few days before we came on the show, she called me up. She said, Jeannie this is Heidi. And I was kind of like, huh? And she said, how do you feel about that? The truth is...
J: Because she was Kimmer to you, right?
TT: Right, right. It didn’t really surprise me. I mean, I don’t think it’s gonna be a big shock for anyone to know that. Asking why she would have hidden, you know, who her real identity was, you see the video, you see the pictures of the woman...
Mike: You can see why she would hide it, she can’t even lose weight on her own diet plan.
TT: I think maybe she fell off the wagon and gained her weight back. Listen, it’s tough.
M: Well, come forward and say that.
TT: It’s tough.
M: Uh, uh I think it’s a good plan but I can’t stay with it.
TT: Well, she has a full explanation on her web page and I really can’t explain for her at this point any better than she can explain for herself. But anybody that goes to the website at Kimkins.com, the first page is public, anybody can read it, her site is already up, she, her explanation is already on it.
M: But you said a week ago when we talked to you that there was no proof, there’s no video proof that (unintelligible) is actually Kim Diaz (unintelligible)
TT: I really didn’t know that.
M: Why did you change your mind?
TT: Because she called me and told me that that’s who she was.
M: Well my god then back that up, what, she’s using fake photos, before and after pictures are fake, man, the PR, you’re drowning in bad PR.
TT: I came in at a very bad time, there’s definitely not a doubt about that. But I’m gonna tell you, I came in because I believe a hundred and ten percent in this diet, it changes people’s lives. Did she use some poor marketing tactics? Well yes, absolutely.
So lying and fraud aren't WRONG, per se, they're just poor marketing tactics.
Regarding Christin's success story, which she (Christin) wants removed from the Kimkins website:
M: Why is that still on the website Jeannie?
TT: I have no idea, I do not do anything that has to do with web design.
J: Can we, can, can you, since you are in PR and you probably talk to the web design people, can we them off the web site, can we just agree to do that?
TT: I believe that you signed a modeling contract.
J: Oh come on, let her go.
Christin: No.
TT: It’s not up to me, it’s gonna be between you and Heidi Diaz.
C: No, but I signed that modeling contract under fraudulent circumstances.
TT: I understand that, but again...
C: I do not want...
TT: That’s something that you’re gonna have to take up with her.
Translation: you bring in money, pretty lady, and we aint taking it down. Evah.
Regarding her position at Kimkins:Deni: You took it on knowing what was.
TT: I did take it on knowing. And the reason that I did that was because every single day somebody comes to me and says, this diet is changing my life, I was gonna have gastric bypass, I don’t have to do it now. Insert new age panflute. Gag.
TT: The site has changed since I came in. Uh, I made a vow to the low carb community that I was gonna go in there and make every wrong right or I wouldn’t work there.
D: We tried to do that.
TT: We are making positive changes.
C: And that’s what I tried to do and that’s why I got fired.
More...
M: Give us the name of your, the, the person in charge of your nutrition plan or a, the medical doctor that’s helping you with the site.
TT: Uh, I will be glad to do that, we are...
M: Is there one?
TT: There is not one, but there is one watching the show today. We have contacted a bariatric specialist that is interested in taking a look at our plan.
Apparently they will be sending their health advice through the mystical ether of broadcast waves. Amazing. Wonder if this doctor will read the website as well, and magically emit recommendations through their monitor? Neato.
M:This is an email you forwarded to one of our producers, my guess is maybe by mistake, and it reads:
Visual: “There will be a nutritionalist there as well. That scares me but we will focus on the diet as TEMPORARY for weight loss…”
M: There will be a nutritionist there as well, on the show in other words, when you come to the morning show, and you, you were emailing a colleague and I think it got forwarded to one of our producers.
TT: That’s okay
M: That scares me, you say to your colleague, we will focus on the diet as temporary for weight loss
TT: Yes
M: So did you mean to send that to us or not, was that a boo...
TT: That was an accident, but that’s okay, because I would have voiced this on stage anyway.
M: Okay.
TT: We are nervous having a nutritionalist. Without a doubt, a nutritionalist has...
Kerry Glassman: How about a nutritionist?
Marc Siegel: She’d have been even more nervous having an internist on the show.
TT: I have no doubt.
KG: And (unintelligible) by the way (unintelligible) actually registered dietician, so...
TT: We know that our plan needs improvement, so we’re anxious to hear what you say.
Note: when you're promoting a million-dollar diet scam than encourages 500 low-fat calories a day, do not, under any circumstances, consult a "nutritionalist".So Hidey sure is lucky to have such a loyal PR pal, isn't she? Nope. A couple of weeks later, Tippy goes Flippy and gets the hell outta dodge. Is it because her conscience simply won't let her continue promoting a now proven scam? She explains herself at Eating Low With Amy, the only online refuge she could enter (under a different name, of course) without being virtually stoned to death:
We all know Kimmer's accounts are frozen and she can no longer pay staff at all. Kimmer told me she was in danger of losing her car. She had financed it to build credit and can no longer make the payments. She couldn't buy milk on her ATM card... And so I then learn from her own deposition that she had 1.6 million in cash, spent almost half a million on a house just prior to deposition, and that she bought two cars with CASH...
There's much ado, of course, about her not wanting to bring in new members knowing that, accoring to Hidey, Kimkins future was uncertain. But really, she jumped ship because she stopped getting paid. Sorry Typo, but when the scam was revealed you were still clinging to the port bow - only when your finances were affected did you let go and cannonball into the cold, icy waters.
But not to worry, Tippy fans! Because she is so durn broken up about this whole thing and determined to make it right, she has started her own website! That's right, at Camp Carbaway, you can get information and support for a variety of low carb plans! And they won't sell you food products! Or belittle and harass you! And you get all this if - and only if - you join the super-duper happy Campfire forum for a one-time fee of $19.95! Bargoon, for sure. I haven't joined, since I get all my information and support from books, studies and FREE (free? yes, free!)support forums, but I'm certain that Typo's nutritionalistic web-venture is solidly grounded in proven nutritionalismness and that her advice will be nutritionarific.
Which brings me to my favorite side effect of the Kimkins Diet - copycat scams. When I lost my weight (only 6 pounds to go!), my first thought was "How can I turn this into a business?" I mean, it's just natural. I think it about everything, don't you? Well, Bonnie Luper beat me to it.
She shed 160 pounds in ONLY TEN MONTHS! by following her very own diet - the Magic Chicken Diet. She decided that she wanted to "share the secret" with the world. God had helped her, she said to an LCF member, and she felt He wanted her to help others. After all, what would Jesus do if he'd melted off 160 pounds of manna? He'd launch a paid website, of course.
In May, Bonnie and Mr. Chicken registered their domain name. In June, Bonnie's husband began soliciting freelance web work on getafreelancer.com. His request? A clone of the Kimkins website. By August, he was searching out personnel for a "large scale marketing campaign." Now, the website is live (after a brief shutdown) and, for the low, low price of $69.95, you get your very own Magic Chicken Diet Plan! But wait - there's more! Your lifetime membership gives you access to grocery lists, personal diet blogger, sample menus, forums, and personal advice from the Chicken Lady herself! Wow!
Of course, in order to find out anything at all about the program and what it entails, you have to fork over the plastic. They do, however, entice you with some really swell nutritionalisticky-like info:
Feel better, look better and get more energy. Moving about more and eating healthier is the best practice. Cutting out all fried foods is a great start. Bottled water is better than sweetened soda. Limit yourself to one small drink of wine, beer, or other alcohol. Alcohol has lots of calories but very little nutritional value. Get rid of your junk food!!
And that advice, my friends, is totally free. Jesus would be so proud.
The intrepid reporters at Kimkins Exhausted must have paid their dues, because they provided a little glimpse into the Magic Chicken meal plan. Have at it.
Now for some free Fear And Loathing advice from me:
Kimmer/Hidey: Sims 2 is a really fun game. In it, you can build houses and shops,and create all sorts of people and make them do whatever you want. They can have babies, make out, go hot tubbing. The bestest part? You can stick one on the backyard, build a fence around him, and starve him to death. It takes awhile, and his ghost will haunt your house later, but since you're incapable of being haunted by the ghosts of your past actions that won't be a problem. This should help you whittle away the hours during your impending incarceration. Provided they let you access a PC, that is.
Tippy/Typo/Flippy: Go back and re-read ALL of Kimmers LCF posts, Kimkins posts, and emails. If you're going to be a slimy, backpedalling, money-grubbing, manipulative, sociopathic diet guru, you gotta learn the style. And I hear that some community colleges will let you re-take high school English classes for free. One should never tip toe around spelling.
Bonnie/Chicken Lady and pals: I realize that God told you that running a diet mission is expensive, and that you should be adequately compensated. But for $69.95, couldn't we get a real Magic Chicken? I want to keep it in my bathtub and rub its belly for weight-loss luck. If it lays golden eggs, like yours does, all the better.
Huge, huge thank you's go out to everyone who has worked so hard to bring all these details to light, and used their force against the Kimpire. Helpful information was found on the following blogs (and if I've missed anyone in this list, I'm sorry!) See my previous post for more links.
Mariosol
Kimkins Exhausted - the yust yucky crew
Medusa
Kimkins Lawsuit
Wifezilla
Kimkins Exposed
Anti-Kimkins
Honeybee
Diary of a Mad Housewife
Grilled Cheese with Pickles
PS: Blogger's spellcheck isn't working - god help me if I've got any typo-toes in here!
